pooblogger.net http://pooblogger.net Musings From Atop The Porcelain Throne Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:25:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Worst ad ever? http://pooblogger.net/worst-ad-ever/ http://pooblogger.net/worst-ad-ever/#comments Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:25:45 +0000 pooblogger http://pooblogger.net/?p=8 how many in your area?Whilst scouring the internet for ever more perverse, violent and thus sexually gratifying pornography on one of my daily hunting sessions, I saw this google adsense ad for what was presumably another porn site, or a pimping service or something similarly deviant.

Over 8 million eh? That’s stretching the definition of local a wee bit i’d say Johnny! There aren’t 8 million girls on the planet who want sex with me, let alone in my local area!

Needless to say I clicked on the ad about 20 times, to waste the advertiser’s money. What I really wanted to do was slap them around the face with a brown paper bag of common sense, but unfortunately this proved impossible. Luckily they happen to be in my local area…

]]> http://pooblogger.net/worst-ad-ever/feed/ 2 Targetted advertising my right buttock http://pooblogger.net/targetted-advertising-my-right-buttock/ http://pooblogger.net/targetted-advertising-my-right-buttock/#comments Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:42:32 +0000 pooblogger http://pooblogger.net/?p=24 Facebook flyers certainly know what I, the customer, want to spend my money on! I have no idea why they thought this ad was appropriate for me, as I’ve not mentioned my secret fetish for wearing high heels…

Looking at my profile, it’s probably because I have listed one of my favourite bands as Squeeze. This leads to one of two conclusions: either facebook flyers are ridiculously targetted, or fans of Squeeze are noted transvestites with a penchant for massages, and facebook are extremely clever. See you at the salon, Suckerberg, honey.

]]> http://pooblogger.net/targetted-advertising-my-right-buttock/feed/ 3 Free Blakey My Fella http://pooblogger.net/free-blakey-my-fella/ http://pooblogger.net/free-blakey-my-fella/#comments Thu, 03 Jul 2008 00:19:37 +0000 pooblogger http://pooblogger.net/?p=22 After Amy Winehouse changed the lyrics of ’Free Nelson Mandela’ at his 90th birthday concert to ‘Free Blakey My Fella’ in tribute to her imprisoned husband Blake Fielder-Civil, we thought it might be interesting to compare the two men. Turns out it wasn’t, but we spent all that time typing it up and it seemed a waste to just bin it.

Nelson Mandela

Blake Fielder-Civil

Spent 27 years in South African prison for crimes including sabotage committed as part of armed struggle against Apartheid.

Held in Pentonville Prison after pleading guilty to assaulting a pub landlord and conspiracy to pervert the course of justice.

Allowed one visitor and one letter every six months. Letters were often delayed for long periods and made unreadable by prison censors.

Convicted prisoners are entitled to at least two 60-minute visits every four weeks. Regularly recieves and writes letters.

Whilst in prison Mandela undertook study with the University of London by correspondence and received a Bachelor of Laws degree.

Writes explicit letters to fellow prisoner Melissa Goldstone, describing his sexual fantasies in detail.

Throughout Mandela’s imprisonment, local and international pressure mounted on the South African government to release him, under the resounding slogan Free Nelson Mandela!

Fielder-Civil’s partner Amy Winehouse makes a mockery of Mandela’s 90th birthday celebrations by singing “Free Blakey My Fella”

Famous quotes include “I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself” and “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

Famous quotes include “I’ll bend you all over the place, with my hand round your throat” and “I squeeze your throat whilst your sucking me and I ask you if you are a dirty bitch.”

After examining the blatant similarities between these two great men, it seems only fitting that Winehouse should have paid tribute to her husband in the way that she did. Nelson Mandela was heard commenting afterwards “Blake is pretty fly for a white guy”. An official spokesman later elaborated “Nelson identifies so strongly with Blake that it was only natural for Amy Winehouse to replace Nelson’s name with Blake’s the other night. It was not at all insulting, nor a slur on Nelson’s illustrious past as a freedom fighter for equal rights.”

The home secretary announced yesterday that “Due to international sanctions imposed by Amy Winehouse on the UK, Blake Fielder-Civil is to be released from custody. Our illicit drug industry simply cannot survive under these sanctions. It was morally wrong for us to imprison Mr Fielder-Civil for the victimless crime of Assault, and we extend our apologies to him and his family.”

A statue of Fielder-Civil is to be elected in parliament square.

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